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When Ericka Waller of Mum in the South let me see this post, it hit something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately: siblings. My brother is getting married in August. It’s made me reflect on our relationship. A lot.
I’m certain that even if there were years between us, we would still have liked each other but the fact that there’s only fourteen months between us has made it easier (and sometimes more annoying!) for us to share big chunks of our lives, like growing up experiences and friends.
Naturally, I think about what age gap there may be between Talitha and any future sibling, if there is to be one. I realise that we can’t plan our lives with certainty and that we’re privileged to even be thinking about this.
At any rate, Ericka’s post answers, in her breathtakingly honest style, the question I’ve asked many mothers over the last year: “What’s the best age gap between children?”
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I spent a lot of my pregnancy with number three feeling guilty. Number two was only six months old when I conceived and though it was planned, it still felt shocking.
As well as this, number one had only just turned three – only just adjusted to number two being around, and then suddenly I upset the apple cart again.
When number three first arrived, I was so busy breastfeeding, doing headcounts and changing nappies (all at the same time) that I did not notice the quiet alliegance being built between my babies.
Then one day seven-months sneezed. Twenty-three months froze in her play, raced to the kitchen to get a tissue, then oh so gently wiped her sister’s nose. On her way to the bin she stopped to check four’s nose was clean. At the gesture, four gave her a kiss.
This was not my doing. I have preached “share share share” at them when they snatch. I have told them to be quiet when one of the other ones are napping, but I never taught them this. I never taught them how to love each other. They did that all on their own.
When they have been apart for the morning and then are reunited, after the squeaks and squeals of welcome, a warm silence ascends. Hands meet. Eyes scan eyes like monkeys looking for nits. They mutter a language I do not understand. I did not teach.
If I’m honest, we had hoped for a boy – at least one time out of the three. When pink followed pink following pink, perfect as they were, already stealing chunks of my heart as they did, there was a small blue hole inside of me that split and cracked and bled.
I never stopped to consider the joy of three girls. The sisterhood I had created.
I never realised that families really do grow trees. Trees with roots than run forever underground while their leaves dance on the breeze. I, little acorn, have made something far bigger and stronger than myself.
It will live on after me, this tree – and in doing so, will give me peace in the knowledge that my children, my babies, my branches, will never be bare, never lonely, never alone.
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Now it’s your turn to answer the eternal question about an age gap between siblings. If you have a post that covers: thinking about having another child, why you’ve decided not to have another child, what the gap is like between your children or anything else that falls in line with the subject, please link it up below.
You know I don’t think that there is a best age gap, just what’s best for you personally.
PippaD @ A Mothers Ramblings recently posted..We Forgot And Now We Remember
It seems to be that whatever gap you end up that’s the one that’s right for you.
Beautifully written post, thank you for sharing Ericka’s words here. I agree with PippaD that there’s no “best” age gap. I’ve linked up a post that I wrote on the subject back in November – I hope that’s OK. As my daughter hurtles towards 2 at the end of this month, we’re constantly asked when we’ll be having another. Apparently there’s an unwritten rule that says you should be thinking of number 2 when number 1 turns 2. There are 4 years between me and my sister and I’ve never questioned it as being anything other than “normal”. For us, it’s not the right time to have another baby yet. Maybe next year, but certainly not this one. I don’t think that will affect the way my daughter interacts with any new potential siblings though. She’ll either like them and they’ll like her. Or she won’t. I think it has more to do with personality than age…. Sorry for the essay!
Molly recently posted..Comment on On becoming Radio Mum by Molly
I didn’t realise the rule was when they turn 2. I’ve been getting that question since Talitha was 6 months old! It’s interesting how our thoughts and feelings on this subject are affected by the age gap that we experienced growing up.
What a lovely post. My experience is very different with five children spaced out over 21 years, but it works for us. I’ve linked up. x
Inside the Wendy House recently posted..A Summer Outfit From Next
What a family! Thanks for linking up!
Lovely story! One I have my second, my first will be 2 yrs old. I some times wonder who I’ll cope being tired as I am already but one positive thing that has happened so far is that I’m on the mend form PND :0) So, I’ll take that as a positive sign.
MsXpat recently posted..Meet The Species- Bioblitz at Sutton Ecology Centre
That definitely sounds like a good sign! How exciting!
This is one of the loveliest things about our two is seeing how they love and interact with each other – we went for a short gap to try and make sure we could have at least two
And as someone who came from 3 I want another so that we get that team bonding – we shall see I guess
Muddling Along recently posted..Breaking news – parents are fallible
I just can’t imagine Talitha playing with a sibling. It sounds great. Hoping you get that third. x
This post made me cry-thank you for sharing Erica’s lovely thoughts here. There are 22 months between my brother and I and we have always been close-my two boys will be 2 and 8 months apart when the next one is born. I hope they’ll be friends and no doubt frenemies at time.
I’d love 3 children as my brother and I always wished we’d had a younger sibling.
Honest Mum recently posted..Pregnancy Pressures…
I’m smiling that you’re pregnant and already planning a third!
I have 3 children with 2 years 2 months between 1st &2nd & 2nd & 3rd! They are now 5, 3 & 1. Boy,girl,boy. I love seeing the love between them and how well they play together. Of course there is bickering. But for the most they absolutely adore each other.
I am the eldest of 4 and when my mum had my sister, I was 14 and I had brothers of 6 and 11. So we were all spread out. Yet we have always been and still are very close at now 22, 28, 33 & nearly 36! We all get on very well and have never found the gap to be a disadvantage.
Maybe the main advantage is to the parents. shorter gaps means a busy few years but then the sleepless nights etc are over quicker. Longer gaps however mean siblings can help parents….
So I do agree with the others above, there is no perfect gap.
There definitely seem to be pros and cons on all sides.
For a lot of women it’s not about DECIDING when to have another, it’s about when your body finally decides to make or keep another baby…
MrsB recently posted..London Estonians celebrated Midsummer
Certainly. Which is why I said we can’t plan our lives with certainty. Thanks for weighing in.
I come from a family of 5. I have a lovely little boy who will be my only one (partly due to health reasons but mostly due to choice). We have a lovely time as a family of three. He is very close to both of us, makes friends and shares easily. One child, for us, is a very happy experience.
Thanks for sharing your experience. This is a perspective that doesn’t get heard enough.
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